


Sweet Dreams Ain't These

by missingnolovefic



Series: Some Dreams Are Worth Chasing (But Hearts Can Get Broken) [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Body Horror, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Torture, mentions of torture, the bas saarebas treatment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 11:29:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4261680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missingnolovefic/pseuds/missingnolovefic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bull is afraid of turning mad, now that he is Tal-Vashoth. But is he scared enough to betray his heart? Will he turn Dorian in, to regain his place among the Qun?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Dreams Ain't These

**Author's Note:**

> I am unsure about the tags so if you're squeamish or think this could trigger you - I put a clarification of the triggers in the end notes (containing spoilers). Please comment or contact me on my [tumblr](http://miss-ingno.tumblr.com/ask) if you can think of a tag I should add.
> 
> I wrote this hoping it would have heavy emotional impact, but I want you to stay safe first and foremost.
> 
> Thanks a lot to [Pie](http://jabberwockypie.tumblr.com) for encouraging me in my moments of insecurity and talking over the tags with me.

Bull smiled into Dorian's neck, biting and licking at the sweaty skin there, eliciting a muffled moan. Bull's grin widened, and he kissed his way up his lover's jaw and brushed his lips up to his mouth. Dorian didn't open them like he usually did though. Bull frowned. He pulled back slightly, licking between the firmly closed lips to persuade the mage to open up. Another muffled noise. Bull's frown deepened and opened his eye. Something was wrong. He could taste blood.

 

“Kadan?” he asked, voice hoarse with desire and worry. Wide eyes stared up at him, full of hurt and betrayal. Bull flinched. His heart was beating hard against his chest, and he noticed Dorian's breathing was just as rapid. He sat back up, and only then did he notice the thread criss-crossing the mage's mouth. The Qunari gaped. How had he not- they'd been kissing just seconds ago how had he not- When did-

 

“Well done, Hissrad,” a familiar voice rung out. Bull didn't have to look to realize who it was- couldn't tear his gaze away from the horror in front of him. “You have done the Qun proud. You found your way to the light from the darkness. You are worthy to regain your place amongst us,” his Tama continued.

 

Bull shook his head, cold spreading through his limps. His chest clenched. And still he sat astride Dorian, hands knotted tightly to the headboard, mouth sewn shut and defenseless. Small hands sneaked past him, clasping a collar roughly around Dorian's throat and activating the runes inscribed in the leather. Elven hands that he knew, remembered from Seheron- hands that pulled the leather too tight, cut off the mage's air supply, that would leave deep bruises on that elegant neck- scars if it was left on for too long-

 

“Gatt,” Bull growled, looking up and baring his teeth. The elf grinned smugly back at him, his body language screaming self-satisfied.

 

“I knew you'd come to your senses eventually, Hissrad,” he replied, steepling his fingers and raising an eyebrow, “Welcome back.”

 

Bull felt numb. He looked back down at where his lover was squirming beneath him. In any other situation, this would be pleasurable for them both, but now- Dorian was trying to say something through his shut lips, and it sounded- it sounded like Katoh. Bull felt his heart squeeze as his hands clenched the linen besides Dorian's arms. The memory slammed into him like a battering ram-

 

_Would you prefer me bound and leashed?_

_I'd buy you dinner first._

_Hopefully before you sewed my mouth shut._

 

And he had bought him dinner, hadn't he? Bull stumbled off the bed, flinching away from the smothered whine, turning his head away. How- how could he look at Dorian when this is what he had done to him? When he was responsible for- When he had betrayed-

 

“Hissrad,” Gatt interrupted his thoughts. He looked to the elf only to see him frowning. “You need to hold him down for the next part.”

 

“The next part,” Bull echoed, chest hollow. Saarebas were collared and leashed- tongue cut out if they stepped out of line too much. Bas saarebas- Bull swallowed hard. Against his will, his gaze found Dorian's again. His eyes were wide, betrayed and pleading, begging him to protect, to reverse what had happened, to never let it happen in the first place-

 

“Yes,” Gatt said, tapping his foot impatiently, “we still need to sew his eyes shut.”

 

Dorian visibly flinched and strained against the rope, protest muffled behind his closed lips. His eyes darted left and right, landing on Bull, begging him to do something, to stop this madness- But Bull just stood there, paralyzed. It had come so far, how could he back out of it now? Everyone back home depended on him to do as he must, to do his job, to let nothing keep him from completing his duty- even if it meant tearing out his own heart. Bull closed his eye in despair, and the muted pleading turned into strangled sobs.

 

“ _Asit tal-eb_ ,” Bull murmured, opening his eye and shuffling closer to the bed. He stared at Dorian's hands, wrists scratched and bleeding lightly from when he fought them. He reached out and wiped some of the blood away with his thumb. He couldn't bring himself to look him in the eyes. “I'm sorry, kadan.” A muted groan was his only reply. Gatt stepped up to the bed behind him, handing a needle to Tama so she could heat it over the candle on their bedside table.

 

Tama nodded at him, and he straddled Dorian once more, holding down his shoulders and throat, stopping him from turning his head away. With great remorse he raised his gaze to look one last time at Dorian. His beautiful eyes were brimming with tears, wide with hurt and betrayal. Bull wanted to throw up. This would be the last time he'd see them, and he'd never be able to remember the joy that used to live there. Instead only fear would remain. A due penance for his betrayal, truly.

 

Fear.

 

Dorian had never been afraid of him before, and Bull had given his damnedest to give him no reason to. The Tevinter mage had been a curiosity, at first, and kadan, at last. Their end had come and only Bull was left to blame. Dorian had never suspected, would've never even guessed that Bull would turn him in to regain his place among the Qun. But a Tal-Vashoth would turn mad without guidance, and there was nothing greater that Bull- no, Hissrad- feared.

 

Fear.

 

Something was niggling in the back of his mind. He watched, tension thrumming through his entire body, as the fight left Dorian, and he closed his eyes. Gatt was fiddling with the thread, pulling it through the needle eye before presenting the needle to Tama. She accepted it with a nod and stepped up to the bed. Dorian trashed beneath him once more, but it was easy to hold him down, like it had been so many other times. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, shoulders slumped and expression resigned.

 

Something... something about this wasn't right. Fear... fear...

 

The needle glinted in the candle light as Tama pressed it against the left eyelid, a stiffled sob shuddering through Dorian. Hissrad grit his teeth, heart beating rapidly in a too tight chest. He needed to figure out why this felt wrong, needed to figure out what was going on. He was good at that, it was his bloody job, he just needed a moment to think, just needed some time-

 

“Hissrad,” Gatt hissed, venom in his voice, “what do you think you're doing?”

 

His arm trembled and his fingers clenched, gripping onto Tama's wrist more tightly. The needle didn't move, a light pressure against Dorian's eye, the skin unbroken. He forced Tama's hand up and away from his lover's face- no blood, no burn mark, even though the needle should be blisteringly hot.

 

“I need to think,” he gritted out between clenched teeth, nails digging into Tama's skin. The sound of the needle dropping was disproportionately loud.

 

“Imekari,” Tama adressed him, her voice soothing just like he remembered. “You've done so well. You can do this. I know you, my little bull.”

 

Bull shook his head. She sounded exactly like he remembered, smelled a lot like her, too, but something was off. Things were too close to his memories, she would have changed by now, changed during the time he'd been away. He looks up at her sharply. Shouldn't she look older?

 

“I won't,” he asserts, hovering over Dorian protectively.

 

“Do it,” Dorian's voice echoed through the room, distorted with rage. For one disconcerting moment, Bull stared down at his lover. His lips still sewn shut, eyes glaring up at him defiantly. He no longer looked betrayed but- enraged. His facade stretched into an angry snarl, an expression so unfamiliar on Dorian's face, it took Bull another moment, another blink.

 

Then the realization hit Bull like one of Dorian's lightning spells. He jumped up, backing away slowly from the three people- no, not people, not people at all. He bared his teeth, eye flickering about the room in search of a weapon without loosing sight of the danger. The three figures distorted as they stood side by side, slowly approaching him.

 

“I fucking _hate_ demons,” Bull spat.

 

“You don't say,” a familiar voice remarked, coloured with amusement. “Catch.”

 

Bull turned just in time to snatch the great axe flung carelessly in his direction. Dorian was standing in the doorway, splendid in latest Tevinter fashion, robes of finest silk and brocade in gold and black. Bull glanced back at the Dorian on the bed- standing now beside the other two demons, halfway transformed into a despair demon. Well, that certainly cleared things up.

 

The one that had pretended to be Gatt – a fear demon, Bull could finally see – screeched loudly as it rushed them, claws extended. Bull roared, stepping in front of his lover and bracing for the attack. Dorian twirled, the flames dancing around his fingers, a wall of fire forming a half circle behind the demons, cutting off their exit and setting the two staying further behind aflame. They fell into step together easy as breathing.

 

Bull laughed, whirling the axe over his head and coming down hard on the fear demon's shoulder. He felt Dorian's magic flow over him, a barrier put in place just in time to block the despair demon's attack. The third one, still on fire, was trying to sneak by Bull to get at the mage, Dorian already blasting it with fire directly to the face. The Qunari threw off his attacker and spun around, flinging his axe wide, catching it in the stomach. Seconds later, ice spiked through its throat and it dissolved with a scream.

 

Axe free once more, he didn't quite manage to dodge the fear demon's next swipe, claws raking up his side. The long scratches started bleeding immediately, but not enough to worry about. Bull bared his teeth in a ferocious snarl. The barrier caught another barrage of projectile spells, flaring in Dorian's signature purple. A blast of magic threw the despair demon back into the fire, Dorian huffing from the effort behind him. Bull grinned fiercely, bringing his huge weapon around to gut the Gatt-impostor. He heard the cackling of lightning as Dorian kept the despair demon busy.

 

Bull could literally feel the anxiety and fear loose its hold on his heart, fighting with his kadan at his side, beautiful and strong as ever.

 

Raising the great axe up with a grunt, he ripped it around, a roar to announce his victory, beheading the demon cleanly. It melted into a puddle of demony goo, to Bull's utter disgust. He spat on the floor and turned around to see Dorian had the despair demon caught in a cage of lightning in the middle of the roaring fire, shooting it with one last ray of lightning, and then it went down, too. Hefting the axe on his right shoulder, Bull stepped up to Dorian, left hand trembling slightly as he reached out.

 

“Dorian,” he murmured, and the mage turned to gift him with a bright smile. Bull had to swallow hard around the stone wedged in his throat. “Kadan.”

 

“Bull,” Dorian replied evenly, catching Bull's hand with his own and entwining their fingers. “It's alright. I got caught up in it, too.”

 

“I-” Bull shuddered, clinging tightly to Dorian's hand. “I almost-”

 

“Shh, love,” Dorian hushed him, putting the fingers of his free hand on his lips. “We can talk it over later. It'll be alright. But first,” he tugged him close, standing on his toes to brush their lips together, “first, we need to get out of here.”

 

Bull chuckled weakly, pressing his forehead against Dorian's. He took a shaky breath, and then another. “Fucking _hate_ demons.”

 

“I couldn't agree more, amatus.”

**Author's Note:**

>  **Qunlat** :  
> Kadan: where the heart lies  
> Hissrad: Liar/Keeper of Illusions (Bull’s name/title under the Qun)  
> Saarebas: mage  
> Bas saarebas: foreign mage  
> Tama: short for Tamassran (the one raising Qunari kids, amongst other things), in this case the one who raised Bull  
> Gatt: this little annoying elf from the Demands of the Qun mission, nicknamed for his short temper  
> Katoh: stop, the watchword/safeword Bull gives you if you romance him  
> Asit tal-eb: “The way things are meant to be” or “It is to be”  
> Imekari: child
> 
>  **Tevene** :  
> Amatus: term of endearment
> 
>  
> 
>  **Spoilery trigger warnings** : Intense emotions because Bull believes it is his fault that Dorian is getting the bas saarebas treatment (eyes and mouth sewn shut). Bull is pressured into participating in the eyes-part, but it doesn't get that far. It's not real. The violence is contained to a fight scene.
> 
>  
> 
> I thought, sure, madness makes sense as someone so afraid to turn Tal-Vashoth- or what he thinks Tal-Vashoth means, due to his time in Seheron. But after a lot of time after leaving the Qun, that fear would probably settle with Dorian at his side. New fears would become more prominent. Then this happend :D
> 
> Because what if Bull is afraid of his fear of madness, thinking that that fear might motivate him to hurt the one he loves?
> 
> (There will be a companion piece of what happens to Dorian in the meanwhile at some point)


End file.
